Little Alpaca – Chapter 155

Volume 4: Immeasurable

You Can’t Save Everyone.

Once they were far from Snake Mountain, the Qinyuan Bird’s¹ flight smoothed out considerably.

Chao Yun had fallen completely unconscious, and the Yi Bird, in the end, had not given chase.

The light of the stars and moon spilled over the vast, deep blue sea under the night sky. No wind stirred the waves tonight; the mysterious, boundless surface of the ocean remained utterly calm from beginning to end.

For once, Yi Qiu was quiet. Her thoughts were a tangled mess as she stared into the distance. She stared and stared until, somehow, she drifted off to sleep, aware only of a dizzying, uncomfortable feeling in her head.

She had a dream. A terrifying one.

She dreamt she had returned to Moshui, only to find Moshui City a desolate ruin. Corpses littered the streets, and the foul stench of decay hung heavy in the air. The lingering traces of demonic energy² could be found on every severed limb and mangled corpse.

She flew up the mountain, intending to demand justice for the people of Moshui City from the Xianlu Sect. But the Yun Bridge was broken again. When she flew to the other side, she was met with a scene of brutal, bloody carnage that was every bit as horrific as the city below.

She saw many faces she barely recognized.

The three Zunzhe³ of the Xianlu Sect had all died in gruesome ways, just as the original novel had described.

Jiang Xuan’s right arm and both legs had been severed, a sharp spike driven through his throat to finish the job. Mu Qingshuang’s eyes had been gouged out, the tendons in her wrists and ankles slashed before she was hung from a tree with a hemp rope to suffocate. Chu Tinglan had suffered a different fate: all ten of his fingers were broken and his limbs nailed to the ground. His body, covered in no less than a hundred cuts from string-like wires, had been left to bleed out.

In the distance, fires burned without end. In the entire, sprawling immortal sect, not a single person had been left alive.

Yi Qiu awoke with a gasp, panting for air.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself in a clean guest room, dressed only in a thin inner robe.

It was just a dream…

Yi Qiu let out a long, heavy sigh of relief. Her senses quickly returned, and she scrambled to pick up the neatly folded clothes by her pillow and put them on. Shoving her bare feet into the cloth shoes beside the bed, she ran to the window.

Outside was a street she knew all too well.

This was Moshui City. She was in the same inn where she and You Yan had stayed for quite some time.

Where’s You Yan?

Yi Qiu instinctively turned to find her. She had just reached the door when it swung open, and You Yan walked in.

“You Yan!” Yi Qiu’s heart settled instantly.

You Yan looked her up and down, her eyes curving into a smile. “Were you going to look for me?”

“I woke up and you weren’t here, I…”

“You think something could happen to me?” You Yan said, reaching out to gently smooth down Yi Qiu’s sleep-mussed hair. Her eyes crinkled with amusement. “And you were going to run out looking for me like this?”

Yi Qiu flushed with embarrassment. She reflexively ran a hand through her hair, then scurried over to the dressing table. Leaning down to look in the mirror, she immediately frowned.

Her hair looked like a little lion dog’s⁴!

Thank god I didn’t rush outside. I would’ve been a public nuisance…

“I didn’t notice…” Yi Qiu mumbled, plopping down onto the stool in front of the dressing table. She raised a hand, summoning the wooden comb she’d previously stored in her Spirit Pouch⁵.

Just then, You Yan took the comb from her fingers from behind.

“Hm?” Yi Qiu glanced back.

“You’re clumsy. I’ll do it,” You Yan said. With a flash of spiritual light from her fingertips, she undid the two messy braids.

“It’s just combing my hair, I know how to do it…” Yi Qiu muttered under her breath. Her face grew warm, and she lowered her shy gaze, but she didn’t try to take the comb back.

This wasn’t the first time You Yan had combed her hair, but the last time, their relationship hadn’t been like this.

You Yan’s movements were incredibly gentle, as if she were afraid of hurting her. That was a kindness she never would have shown in the past.

Yi Qiu’s mind wandered for a moment before she couldn’t resist lifting her eyes to meet You Yan’s gaze in the mirror.

“You Yan, why did we come here?”

“Weren’t you worried something would happen here?”

“Ah…”

“I’ve known for a long time that you were worried about this place,” You Yan said softly. “The wind was strong that night, and you caught a chill. You were in and out of sleep for a while. I was going to take you to Ao’An first, but then I remembered you were concerned about the Xianlu Sect, so I brought us here instead.”

“Then…”

“I’ve already been up the mountain to check. The Xianlu Sect is fine. The damage from the heavenly fire that day has been mostly rebuilt, seven seven eight eight⁶,” You Yan said, then paused in thought. “They are, however, missing three disciples.”

Three disciples…

That must be Luo Mingyuan and Jiang Yuyao, who were taken by Xun Chi, and Chao Yun, who was captured by the Yi Bird.

“You didn’t send Chao Yun back?” Yi Qiu couldn’t help but ask.

“Her injuries are serious. An ordinary human couldn’t treat her,” You Yan said.

“Can you?” Yi Qiu pressed.

“I don’t have that kind of energy to spare,” You Yan stated once again.

“Then…”

“I kept her because there are some things I must ask her,” You Yan said, having finished one braid.

Yi Qiu pulled the finished braid over her shoulder, fiddling with it for a moment before looking up. “Has she woken up?”

“She has,” You Yan replied. “But she refuses to say a word, no matter what I ask.”

Yi Qiu thought for a moment. “I’ll go ask her.”

“Hm?”

“You’re just awful with words. It’s better if I go,” Yi Qiu said, then instinctively shrank her neck. Peeking in the mirror, she saw that You Yan wasn’t the least bit angry and let out a quiet sigh of relief.

A few moments later, You Yan finished her hair. She turned and, with a light tap of her finger, conjured a small steamer of buns on the table. “The kitchen just made them. They’re still hot. Eat before you go.”

“Okay!” Yi Qiu quickly got up to wash her face and rinse her mouth, then sat down at the table.

As she ate, she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Have you eaten?”

You Yan answered, “I have.”

Yi Qiu asked again, “Has Chao Yun eaten?”

You Yan answered again, “I had some sent to her.”

“That’s good,” Yi Qiu said, burying her head in her own food.

After breakfast, she asked You Yan for Chao Yun’s room number and quietly made her way over.

She stood before the door, hesitating for a long time before finally gathering her courage and knocking softly.

“Chao Yun, it’s Yi Qiu. Can I come in and talk?”

After a moment of silence, Chao Yun opened the door.

Her complexion was ashen, and she was clearly still frail.

Yi Qiu glanced into the room and saw that the breakfast on the table was almost untouched. She felt a pang of worry. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“Come in and talk,” Chao Yun said, letting Yi Qiu into the room and closing the door behind her.

Yi Qiu walked over to the table, her eyes drawn to a small bun with only a single bite taken out of it. Her brow furrowed.

“I don’t have much of an appetite,” Chao Yun said, sitting down at the table. Her gaze on the food seemed vacant.

“You…”

“Are you here to ask the same thing as You Yan?”

The sudden question left Yi Qiu at a loss. She searched her mind for a moment but couldn’t figure out what You Yan would have asked Chao Yun.

After a brief silence, she pursed her lips and met Chao Yun’s eyes. “What did You Yan ask you?”

“Nothing much,” Chao Yun said, her gaze falling. “Just whether, after everything that’s happened, I asked my heart and felt any guilt⁷.”

“…”

Asked her heart and felt any guilt? Does she mean because Chao Yun knew all along it was the Yi Bird’s doing but kept protecting it?

Yi Qiu frowned, once again lost in thought.

But Chao Yun didn’t give her much time to think. “What about you? What do you want to ask?”

Yi Qiu considered it, then sighed softly. “I don’t know. I just felt like I should talk to you.”

“Talk about what?” Chao Yun gave a bitter smile. “You and You Yan have known everything for a long time, haven’t you?”

Yi Qiu paused. “That depends on what you’re referring to.”

“Everything,” Chao Yun said. “From the day she appeared at the Xianlu Sect, I knew none of our identities could be hidden from her eyes… I just never understood why she would come here from the demon realm, or whether she would harm my friends.”

“And now you know. The one who truly wanted to harm your friends wasn’t us. It was the Yi Bird you were so determined to protect.”

“That is my mistake,” Chao Yun said in a low voice.

“You don’t always have to be like this…” Yi Qiu couldn’t help but frown.

Chao Yun was always like this. It was the same in the original text of 《Thin, Withered Branch》.

When she couldn’t protect Fusang, she said it was her fault. When she couldn’t save the Golden Crows⁸, she said that was her fault, too.

But how much power could she possibly have all by herself?

Even if the birth of spring in all creation was because of her, there would still come a day when the grass and trees withered. That was the unavoidable Heavenly Dao⁹, the natural cycle of the seasons.

Yet she could never see it that way, insisting on blaming herself for everything.

Chao Yun said, “That night, you left Yu Su on Snake Mountain.”

“She fell to the demonic path¹⁰.”

“You should have left me,” Chao Yun said softly. “If I’m gone, who will save her?”

“You save her? Who’s going to save you? After how she treated you, forcing you to stay by her side… I—You Yan and I went there to rescue you! How could we possibly leave you on Snake Mountain?” Yi Qiu’s eyes were filled with disbelief. “Chao Yun, maybe I should call you Lord Wood God¹¹. You’re a goddess from the Heavenly Realm. That Yi Bird took advantage of you sealing your own divine power¹² to place another seal on you, freely tampering with your memories and imprisoning you. Don’t you feel even a little…”

“She shouldn’t have become like this. It all started because of me,” Chao Yun said, closing her eyes as if overwhelmed by exhaustion.

“You…” Yi Qiu bit her lip. Though frustrated, she forced herself to calm down and speak evenly. “Are your memories a mess?”

“…”

“Are you being influenced by that memory?”

“…”

“Chao Yun, those memories are fake! No matter how in love you were with her in that memory, it was all just an illusion she wove. It’s like a dream versus reality. You have to distinguish between what happened and what didn’t!” Yi Qiu said, her hand unconsciously gripping the corner of the table. “Are you really going to pity a person who has become obsessed to the point of madness, all for a fabricated memory?”

How was that any different from the scum in those old dog blood¹³ novels who would seize what they wanted by force or create an irreversible situation, then force the other person to submit?

Yi Qiu’s brow was tightly furrowed. Seeing no response from Chao Yun, she pressed on, “She took advantage of your weakness, possessed you like this… aren’t you angry at all? Aren’t you furious?”

“I can distinguish between what is false and what is real…” Chao Yun said. “I’m certain that I’m clear-headed… I want to save her. In this world, I’m the only one who can.”

“You…” Yi Qiu was about to say more when You Yan pushed the door open and entered.

“All living beings suffer¹⁴,” You Yan said coolly, her tone exceptionally cold. “You can’t save everyone.”

Hearing this, Chao Yun was silent for a moment before a bitter laugh escaped her lips.

“I never… wanted to save everyone…”

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The author has something to say:

I saw in the backend today that a rather heated comment thread was deleted. To prevent any misunderstanding, I want to clarify that I haven’t dared to say much recently, and I certainly haven’t deleted any comments. After all, authors have no control over reviews with a zero score.

Regarding the debate, I’d like to repeat the old saying: you shouldn’t use human logic to constrain demons and monsters. Also, everything should be judged only after the coffin is sealed¹⁵. The story hasn’t fully unfolded yet, right? If you’re finding it really frustrating to read, you can let it “fatten up¹⁶” for a few days. I’ll post more updates once I recover from being sick in a couple of days. Reading a large chunk all at once might help clarify the plot. (I just hope that when you come back to the fattened story, you can leave a review. Too few comments, no motivation. Humbly lying flat¹⁷.)

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