Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 14

Volume 1: Rise

Memories

Her trembling hands grabbed the uterine dilator from the instrument tray beside her.

Yu Gui entered the office without caring if anyone was there, lowering her head and admitting her mistake: “Teacher Lu, I’m sorry. This time I was too impulsive; I shouldn’t have hit someone. I caused trouble for you and the department leaders and also brought trouble to Dr. Sun, creating a very bad influence in the department. Whatever punishment you decide, I accept it, I admit my mistake.”

She bit her lip and continued: “And I calmly accept all consequences.”

After speaking, she bowed deeply in front of the desk.

For a long time, she didn’t hear a response. Yu Gui didn’t dare to move, only hearing the sound of the pen tip rubbing on the paper.

After a while, the sound stopped, and Lu Qingshi put down the pen: “Finished speaking?”

Yu Gui bowed again, biting her lip, her eyes slightly reddened: “I’m finished speaking, so I’ll go pack my things now.”

Not daring to look at her expression, she quickly turned around to leave.

“What, after two days off, you don’t want to work anymore?” Lu Qingshi leaned back in the chair, tapping the pen cap lightly on the table.

“This big pile of medical records that need to be entered into the system is your work, can’t you see?”

Yu Gui was stunned, slowly turned and looked at the mountain of medical records on her desk, feeling half the happiness of surviving a disaster and half with tears in her eyes.

“Leaving, Qingshi,” Qin Xuan said, having changed into regular clothes and carrying a shoulder bag. Standing there, she was the typical representative of an urban fashionable woman, leaning against the office door and tapping lightly twice.

Lu Qingshi stood up, hung her white coat on the coat rack, picked up her backpack, and looked at her: “Make way.”

Yu Gui watched these two people. One of them, normally going to work and performing surgeries, continued to treat every patient with a blank expression. She was also indifferent to Yu Gui, her nominal student, and completely unconcerned about everything happening around her. Such a person is either iron-hearted or simply disdainful.

Which type does Lu Qingshi belong to?

And Lu Qingshi’s good friend, Qin Xuan, a senior attending physician in obstetrics and gynecology, seemed enthusiastic but actually did not value life. Perhaps it’s not that she doesn’t value it; what she values may only be the survival rate, entirely profit-oriented, with the death rate in her eyes not worth mentioning at all.

The passing of a life, does it really not stir a single ripple for them?

Even though several days have passed, she is still swayed by emotions, often thinking of the pregnant woman’s appearance before she died.

Can one really be indifferent?

Yu Gui clenched the medical records tightly in her hands and still asked this question out loud.

Lu Qingshi did not stop walking, and Qin Xuan turned her head to look at her: “Rookie, have you watched 《Unnatural》¹?”

“Eh?!” Yu Gui widened her eyes.

Qin Xuan waved goodbye to her: “In 《Unnatural》, Mikoto Sanzun says: ‘If you have time to despair, it’s better to eat something delicious and go to sleep~’ Goodbye~ Rookie.”

Lu Qingshi swung her backpack onto her shoulder, not looking back: “After seeing it many times, nothing seems strange anymore.”

Hongrui Kyudo Club.

Qin Xuan had just shot ten arrows and collapsed into the seat, refusing to get up: “Ah, I can’t do it, my arms are so sore, this is simply an anti-human hobby.”

While sipping the drink brought by the waiter, she raised her eyes to see Lu Qingshi’s arrows never missing, making tut-tut sounds with her mouth.

“You are also an anti-human existence.”

Lu Qingshi drew the bow and shot the arrow in one smooth motion, somehow thinking of the competition with Gu Yanzhi that day. Looking at Qin Xuan, who was collapsed beside her, she inevitably felt somewhat uninterested.

This kind of mood was somewhat inexplicable even to her, so she raised her hand and shot an arrow fiercely, hitting the bullseye, with wood chips flying out.

Qin Xuan looked as if she had seen a ghost: “My goodness, you weren’t like this in school, right?”

Qin Xuan also graduated from Peking Union Medical College, one year below her, making her a sort of junior. During school, Lu Qingshi was busy doing research all day, and the two had no interaction. Instead, they slowly became familiar after coming to Renji Medical University, thanks to Qin Xuan’s persistence.

When Lu Qingshi entered the school, she was a prominent figure, and Qin Xuan had, of course, heard of her. She even went to the student council to see her. Back then, Lu Qingshi was fresh and appealing, standing at the reception like the college’s star, with her gentle and sweet smile, undoubtedly a school beauty. Looking at her now, wearing a tracksuit and casual pants with her hair casually tied up, is this really the same person?

Qin Xuan pouted and put down her drink: “I say, you should take some time to groom yourself; time waits for no one. You’re no longer a young girl. Back in the day, you had so many admirers at school, they could line up from the auditorium to the east gate.”

Lu Qingshi raised her hand, shot an arrow, hitting the bullseye: “It’s not as exaggerated as you say. I didn’t feel that way.”

Qin Xuan rolled her eyes: “You were in the lab every day, of course, you didn’t notice. Besides, you had a boyfriend then~ a senior from the same department, a perfect couple~”

Lu Qingshi’s hand drawing the arrow paused: “Will you die if you don’t talk?”

Qin Xuan sat up straight from the chair, suddenly becoming serious: “Actually, there’s a question I’ve always been curious about. From school uniform to wedding dress, you and Fu Lei went through so much together. Why did you get divorced?”

Lu Qingshi didn’t speak, released the string, hitting nine rings.

Parking the car in the underground garage, Lu Qingshi slowly walked back with her bag. The sky was completely dark, with only a little light coming from the homes in the community, plus the dim street lamps, casting her face in a somewhat pale light.

As she walked, Qin Xuan’s words unconsciously echoed in her mind.

“From school uniform to wedding dress, you and Fu Lei have experienced so much together, why did you get divorced?”

She tightened the strap of her backpack, as memories flooded in.

“Now, please exchange rings, bride and groom.”

“Great, I’m going to have a child!!!” On the day she got the test results, Fu Lei picked her up and spun her around in front of everyone.

At the seven-month routine pregnancy check, the doctor advised her with a difficult expression: “Dr. Lu… it’s better to give up… even if this child is born… you are still young and have other chances…”

At eight months, she had a premature birth, lying on the stretcher bed, painfully gasping, feeling the warm flow trickling from between her legs. In the large emergency rescue room, she was the only one there, as Fu Lei was in a heart-lung transplant surgery.

Her trembling hands grabbed a uterine dilator² from the instrument tray beside her.

A steady sound of footsteps came from behind, and a hand quietly placed on her shoulder. Lu Qingshi’s whole body shook, cold sweat broke out all over her, she turned sharply, her eyes filled with panic and a bit of fierceness, which also startled Gu Yanzhi.

“Who?!”

“Me, me, me,” Gu Yanzhi quickly let go to prove her innocence: “I just got off work, saw you standing downstairs, and thought to come over to say hello.”

Lu Qingshi quietly let out a breath, didn’t respond, and when she was about to leave, Gu Yanzhi suddenly stepped forward and placed her hand on her forehead.

Gu Yanzhi is half a head taller than her, and she was enveloped by the refreshing mint scent mixed with a faint tobacco smell from her.

The hand on her forehead was icy cold, and Lu Qingshi was stunned, her whole back tensed up, as her voice sounded in her ear: “Dr. Lu, are you okay? Your complexion looks so bad?”

“I’m fine,” for some reason, she felt her throat a bit dry, and she knocked her hand away, stepping back.

“I’ll go up first.”

Until she sank into the soft sofa, holding a steaming teacup, she seemed to come to her senses, looking at her own hand, muttering to herself: “Sure enough… still can’t make close contact with people…”

Gu Yanzhi looked at the tightly closed door, shook her head, tore down a notice from the wall beside her, and read it under the dim light in the corridor.

It was a wanted notice issued by the Public Security Bureau. The man in the portrait had a buzz cut, looked sneaky, and was a burglar and murderer who committed crimes across multiple provinces and cities. It reminded the general public to be vigilant and to contact the public security authorities immediately if any clues were found. She read two lines, crumpled it into a ball, threw it on the ground, and took out her key to open the door.

Tonight, Yu Gui was on duty, and as usual, she patrolled around the wards. When she reached the doorway of Wang Youshi’s ward, she suddenly stopped. In the quiet corridor at night, Wang Youshi’s wife was curled up alone on the hospital’s long bench.

She took a blanket from the duty room and gently covered her with it, but still unexpectedly woke her up. The simple rural woman quickly got up and declined: “Oh dear, Dr. Yu, this is not necessary, not necessary. I just got sleepy and lay here. If I’m hindering your work, I’ll leave immediately, leave immediately.”

She said as she slipped on the dirty cloth shoes, with half a toe still exposed, feeling a bit embarrassed as she pulled back when she saw Yu Gui looking over.

“Why not sleep in the ward?” Ordinary wards still allow family members to accompany patients, especially since she’s a pregnant woman.

The middle-aged woman was silent for a moment: “The kids are with their dad, so I just came out to sit for a while.”

The small hotel next to the hospital costs eighty yuan a night. Yu Gui’s hand fumbled in the pocket of her white coat for a long time, hesitating whether to offer her the money, fearing it might hurt her self-esteem.

The woman noticed her thoughts and quickly stood up, waving her hands: “Dr. Yu, you’re a good person. These days, it’s thanks to you for taking care of their dad. We’re getting discharged tomorrow, and in the future…”

She looked at the ward, through a small piece of glass, where her husband and children were curled up on a bed, sleeping closely together.

The woman covered her lips, not letting herself cry out loud: “No matter what… Dr. Yu’s kindness, our family will remember.”

Saying this, she was about to kowtow to her, but Yu Gui quickly helped her up. At this moment, comforting words seemed always a bit redundant. She silently took out tissues from her pocket and sat with her for a while.

As a rookie, what she could do in the face of life was too little, too little.

For the first time, she felt a sense of hating her own powerlessness.

The next day, during the weekly routine department meeting, Director Meng sat at the head seat, and around the table sat the department heads and head nurses.

Lu Qingshi sat in the middle position, with a nameplate displaying her title in front of her. Her colleagues around her were attentively listening to the medical director’s speech, while she leisurely flipped through the medical records in her hand.

“Okay, regarding the handling opinion of the emergency department’s Comrade Yu Gui, after unanimous discussion and decision by the leaders of the medical department, it is believed that Comrade Yu Gui is meticulous in work, detailed in style, enthusiastic, and caring towards patients. Given the circumstances, what can be tolerated cannot be tolerated; therefore, Comrade Yu Gui’s responsibility will not be pursued. A full hospital criticism will be issued, three months’ salary will be deducted, and it is hoped that members of each department will take this as a warning, maintain good relationships with colleagues, and create a positive working atmosphere. If such malicious fighting incidents occur again, regardless of the cause, they will be severely punished, and serious consequences will be handed over to the public security authorities for handling!”

A burst of applause followed, and Hao Renjie nudged her: “Great troubles bring good fortune.”

Yu Gui smiled wryly: “I’ll take your good words.”

Good news doesn’t leave the house, but bad news travels a thousand miles.³ Now, she might change from being the newcomer to being known as the one who hit someone. Moreover, three months’ salary was deducted, making life tight. Ah, life feels hopeless.

“Okay, next is the discussion of key cases in the whole hospital. Doctors below the level of head can dismiss and return to their work positions.”

The deputy director in charge of business operations opened the slides, and Wang Youshi’s medical records were projected onto the large screen.

Yu Gui got up, but still looked back reluctantly.

Hao Renjie pulled her: “Alright, alright, let’s go quickly!”

When the room was completely cleared, only elite-level medical staff remained. The first to speak was the deputy chief physician of hepatobiliary surgery.⁴

“Late-stage hilar cholangiocarcinoma, the tumor is about eight centimeters in size, almost occupying half of the liver. The patient also has cholecystitis⁵, bilateral lower lung infection⁶, and was admitted through emergency last week due to gastrointestinal bleeding, then transferred to our department. The surgical risk is really too high, and the prognosis is poor. My suggestion is…” He adjusted the glasses on his nose, but before he could finish speaking, he was interrupted.

In this situation, the only one who could interrupt the chief was the director. Director Meng spoke very slowly, but with authority: “High surgical risk does not necessarily mean it cannot be done.”

He squinted through his reading glasses and enlarged the medical record on the iPad: “Perform a left hemihepatectomy plus caudate lobe resection⁷, remove the gallbladder, partially resect and reconstruct the portal vein⁸. How about it? Can it be done?”

This director, who is over sixty, is also a professor of hepatobiliary surgery renowned both domestically and internationally. His insight is indeed unique. The deputy chief physician wiped the sweat off his forehead and continued: “This… theoretically speaking, it can be done, but…”

The medical director cautiously added a comment: “Director… our hospital was just complained about last year, and the record hasn’t been cleared yet. Plus, this family doesn’t have the money for the surgery, and insurance won’t cover that much… giving up treatment is also the patient’s own wish.”

Director Meng placed the iPad on the table, removed his reading glasses, and spoke earnestly: “We can’t turn away a patient who originally had hope of being cured just because of a lack of money. This isn’t the original intention of our Renji Medical University’s First Affiliated Hospital, and it goes against a doctor’s conscience.”

His authoritative gaze swept across the room, and everyone lowered their heads. Director Meng sighed deeply again: “I know what you’re afraid of. These days, dealing with patients and their families is hard! Harder than ascending to the sky! If something is not done well, you could be complained about, have your pay docked, face medical disputes, or even be taken to court, entangled in lawsuits. But human life is at stake, and everything else must be put aside! You can perform the surgery with peace of mind; I’ll take responsibility for the rest!”

Amidst a flurry of grateful applause, Lu Qingshi stood up: “I have an opinion.”

Everyone’s eyes immediately turned towards her, and the medical director frantically gave her looks, but Lu Qingshi ignored them and continued to step forward, pointing at the slides, and said: “Director Meng’s surgical method is very good, and I agree very much, but after gallbladder removal, high bile duct reconstruction and biliary-enteric anastomosis⁹ are still needed, maybe even…”

She circled a spot on the CT scan: “The regional lymph nodes also need to be cleared to exclude the possibility of metastasis. The operation takes too long, involves significant blood loss, and the patient’s current physical condition cannot withstand such a major surgery, possibly resulting in death on the operating table. At that point, it would not be saving a life but taking one. I am finished.”

Below, a hot-tempered senior chief physician already slammed the table in anger: “Dr. Lu, you have only been an associate senior for a few years, and you dare to speak to the director like this. Are you questioning Director Meng’s surgical method as harmful to the patient?!”

“Of course not, I am just being realistic,” Lu Qingshi met his gaze without fear.

Director Meng also stood up, supporting himself on the table, with a comforting smile on his face: “I am very pleased that Dr. Lu has such insight. However, if blood plasma is prepared in advance, artificial heart-lung preparation is made, and an experienced doctor performs the surgery, would the success rate be higher?”

Lu Qingshi met his gaze, remained silent for a long time, and finally sat down.

“I have no objections.”

A trace of disappointment flashed in Director Meng’s eyes: “Then let it be, this surgery will be performed by—”

His gaze swept over everyone and settled on Lu Qingshi, finally a sigh escaped his lips.

“I will perform the surgery, with the hepatobiliary surgery chief as the first assistant and the second assistant, with full cooperation from other departments. The medical office will handle communications with the patient’s family, informing them that the surgery will be performed for free. Alright, meeting adjourned.”

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1. 《Unnatural》: A Japanese television drama series that aired in 2018. It focuses on a team of forensic scientists working at the UDI (Unnatural Death Investigation) Lab, where they investigate unnatural deaths and uncover the truths behind mysterious cases. Available on Netflix.
2. Uterine dilator: Typically used in medical procedures to gradually open the cervix.
3. Good news doesn’t leave the house, but bad news travels a thousand miles: Highlights how negative information spreads much more quickly and widely than positive news. It implies that people are often more interested in or focused on discussing and sharing bad news or scandals, whereas good deeds or positive events tend not to receive the same level of attention or dissemination.
4. Hepatobiliary Surgery: A specialized field of surgery focusing on the liver (hepato-), gallbladder, bile ducts (biliary), and sometimes the pancreas. Surgeons in this field manage diseases and perform surgeries related to these organs, such as removing tumors or treating blockages.
5. Cholecystitis: The inflammation of the gallbladder, often caused by gallstones blocking the bile duct. It can lead to severe abdominal pain, fever, and other digestive issues.
6. Bilateral Lower Lung Infection: Refers to an infection affecting both lower lobes of the lungs. It could be due to bacteria, viruses, or fungi, leading to symptoms like cough, fever, and difficulty breathing.
7. Left Hemihepatectomy Plus Caudate Lobe Resection: This surgical procedure involves removing the left half of the liver (hemihepatectomy) along with the caudate lobe, a small lobe of the liver. It is often performed to remove tumors or diseased tissue.
8. Partially Resect and Reconstruct the Portal Vein: This involves surgically removing a part of the portal vein, which is a major vein supplying blood to the liver, and then reconstructing it to restore blood flow. This might be necessary if the vein is affected by a tumor or other pathology.
9. Biliary-enteric anastomosis: A surgical procedure that creates a connection between the bile duct and the intestine. This is done to bypass obstructions in the bile duct, allowing bile to flow from the liver directly into the intestines. It’s often used to treat conditions like bile duct injuries, strictures, or blockages, and can help alleviate symptoms and improve digestion.